I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
