If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
