I wish I could teleport
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
