I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
