I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
