Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
