I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
