Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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