I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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