I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
