Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
