I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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