just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
why is half of my head shaved?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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