I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
