She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
