if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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