i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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