I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
