Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I lost the right to judge tonight
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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