Got a toothbrush?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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