Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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