If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
