I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Randomize
