he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
