I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
