all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
