Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Randomize
