NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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