I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
