Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I think im going to throw up on grandma
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
