Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Randomize
