Only a mothe r could love this liver
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
