I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
