Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
