if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
