apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
