2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
