Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
