She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
