does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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