he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
