a search helicopter?!
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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