Who wears a wallet chain?!
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
