i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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