Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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