No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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