I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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