This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Randomize
