I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
