but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
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