yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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