so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
