I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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