yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
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