I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
